Thread: Checking in
View Single Post
Old 10-01-2019, 07:45 AM
  # 75 (permalink)  
Briansy
Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
Hi Dpac, unfortunately, I have not been well at all. I am just off a 3 day binge and am sitting in my apartment sweating and full of fear and depression. I have a meeting with a therapist tomorrow at 5 which I'm hoping will provide long term benefits - although it may be that the first session won't be all that effective if I'm in withdrawals. I had started to have a very negative outlook on things and extreme cynicism which I am sure did me no favours and when the anger becomes unbearable I would resort to drinking. Also, more and more personal relationships are being strained and I have burned so many bridges in recent times. It's kinda crushing me and the thought of ending it all did occur to me on more than one occasion lately. That being said, I haven't gambled in nearly 2 months which is really great and I even managed to wean off my sleeping aids. And the good days I had were very good indeed. Which is why I'm reluctant to consider medication to feel better.

The feeling of my world shrinking is something that is really alarming to me. But all I can do is focus on staying stopped, work on my mental health and anger issues and try to turn things around in the longer term. I feel like others may view me as a negative joy sucker and I want that perception to change.
Briansy is offline