XAH is out of rehab as of this weekend, and other than a brief visit at a park with me and DD8 on Saturday, there have been no real attempts at resuming visitations from him or his parents. To my knowledge he's more or less homeless at the moment, and maintains that he was released without an offer to go somewhere else. He "has calls in" to a halfway house, he says, which is curious because the last four times he went to rehab they tried to place him before he was released. Sure, maybe they discharged him with no real plans, but I think I can guess how it actually went. I told him that I was job hunting and exploring work outside of town and maybe even outside of the state. He was not shocked. I told him that if he was limiting himself to local sobriety resources (we have few where we live) to not do so on our account. So maybe that's an option for him. I don't know.
So I'm sitting on my hands. It seems like there's no way for us to continue with supervised visitation as we have before now, but what it's going to look like in the future, I have no idea.
There was a moment in the park where I overheard some other parents talking and I realized that I was not the only mom in that park supervising a visit with a dad. So that was interesting.
You know, I do feel bad for him. I go back and forth on my feelings for him a lot because we have so much history and I remember when our relationship was good, because it was good once. So, it's sad, I guess, to see how far he's fallen. He knows what he needs to do, but has few tools to work with, he's so disconnected from any social life or support system, he's an adult in years only. The contrasts between us are just huge.
When I finally kicked him out once and for all, I threw myself into therapy and cleaning up my life literally and metaphorically so I could be present for my kids and find a way to live a happy life no matter what he or my toxic FOO was up to. And it really paid off for me, truly. It was worth every dollar paid for therapy and every tear cried. It was extremely painful work, but it was work worth doing. I have a good job now, I know my capabilities (and my limits), I have wonderful friends, a promising future, an excellent relationship with my kids, and finally, I have boundaries. Oh, the joys of boundaries.
My house is planning road trip for Fall Break in a couple of weekends, so that's something to look forward to. We're all in counseling again to help us figure out this new phase, I'm job hunting and finishing up a lot of craft and DIY projects at my house. It's still warm out during the day, but the nights are crisp and the leaves are starting to turn.