Originally Posted by
Erza 
This sight and everyone on it has been helping me so much. I am so thankful.
It is day five and I dan't feel strong. I met him today to discuss things and he was blank. And when he did show emotion it was anger at how me going to a lawyer and filing child support etc will bankrupt him. He is currently staying in a motel and paying for the rent of the apartment I am in so I'm guessing he is worrying g about money. But nothing about my feeling.
How can he be so cold? Continue to say, even though he is in a crappy motel he is so happy...? I feel I am secretly waiting for him to call me after drinking and beg to come home. I am not strong today. Right now anyway. Some times I feel strong. But not right now.
How can he suddenly not love me anymore? He acts like HE is the one fleeing a bad situation.
I would have felt so much stricher had I made the decision to leave.
It boggles my mind that mine was the one to leave too. He slept on the floor of the front porch for a week when he "left" and then has been sleeping out in our detached garage (no AC) for several weeks since - first on the floor and then he finally moved a bed out there. No reason for him to do that as there was no fighting and we hardly saw each other...but he knew I WOULD have something to say if he were drinking and smoking pot in the house...so dirty, humid garage trumps comfortable bed.
My strength waxes and wanes. I don't want to see or talk to him right now because he can seem so normal but cold and it makes me sad. I doubt he'll ask to come back when I do file the divorce papers b/c I plan to call him out on his substance use and general b*llsh*t but, if he does try to reconcile, my plan is to require rehab for him, a year clean time, and deep into family therapy before we would move that too far...if even then. I may be done.