Thank you...
Thank you to everyone who posted.. thank you to Mr Irish, that was a compassionate, service to help us alcoholic message, which I appreciated. and what you said was all so true, especially about not being able to live in that state of just being grateful and content for an extended amount of time. I let the turmoil of emotions make my life become unmanageable and I relapse. That is truly perfectly said and something I am consciously going to work on. No one has ever put it that way too me. I will treasure that.
As for right now, I am doing better, I took active steps to try and build a stronger foundation. I am going to a big book meeting on Saturday, in additional to my women's meeting on Tuesday. I admitted my drinking to another women in aa. I have NOT told my husband, I suspect he knows, but I want to move forward and keep strong and sober. Not open that wound. I met with my psychiatrist and adjusted my medicine which has helped a lot.
I am trying to be of service, help other fellow alcoholics. Become more involved, lead meetings, get together for coffee outside of meetings, send texts, and for myself, I pray every morning, commit on an app on my phone that I will be sober today, and I write about how my day felt at the end of the day. I connect with my kids each day just to feel their presence and it is helping. I have the best children.
It's only been 11 days sober, but it's 11. I am trying not to isolate like I do so often. I also am making plans with my husband, reconnect and tell him that I need planned events with him. One day at a time. Thank you for your support.
SurvivorK