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Hi
Lucinda ~
Well, boy, I certainly could 'out-ramble' you on this topic, so we'll see where this goes.-)
What you're tackling was perhaps the most difficult aspect of my now-effortless Recovery in the later Stages: militantly facing, and then creating, a personal fit into Socializing; given how invasive Alcohol is in Society. Indeed, it's the sole factor that had me finally book 4 or so sessions with a Drug/Alcohol Counselor a few Years ago. Suffice to say, Folks not traveling 'our' path don't get it, and most never will. The ultimate acceptance of that Reality is mine alone to process. I didn't continually walk around all steamed about this, but it sure f'n pissed me off at times until I mapped out a way forward to deal with *Alcohol = Fun*. Why should I have to be the [Sober] one to be forced into Social Contortions to accommodate this lie shilled by Drinking Culture?
Your observation that somehow touring a Brewery having 0% swill to drink makes it all OK is the heart of the matter: that the issue is nothing more than the existence [or not] of Ethanol. Or, that being offered a Seltzer at an otherwise-drunken Wedding Reception transforms such an Event into something palatable to someone Sober. Ummm, that's a big ole 'no'.
As recently as last Summer, I opted out of a Beach-side Wedding in California because there was no Escape Plan possible for me when the Reception - indeed, the entire Weekend - went south. Inevitably. I was towing our RV Trailer 3
long Days to the Coast, and trying to book a Campsite in peak Season. Our beloved Dog was with us. A Dinner the Night before was on a Yacht with wealthy Right Wing-types that, itself, was gonna to be an daunting exercise in mental detachment, and resentment-filled small talk. Hey, I know. I'll just take my own Bamboo Shoots to stick under my Fingernails! That would have been less tortuous. THEN, we were getting pressure to attend a sotted Brunch the Day after the Wedding because we were there already, right?. I was actually plotting on Google Earth where I could walk/escape to in order to bail from the Wedding Reception [WHICH went on until 3 AM]. I finally gave my Wife of 42 Years the option of going alone, or us not going to this Wedding of 30 Year-olds. So, after much angst, we didn't go. One of my better Sober decisions. I would not have drank, because I don't. I would, however, have been predictably miserable around
so much Alcohol and Coke and Pot.
'If It's Not Fun, Why Do It'? ~ A *Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream* Bumper Sticker
What you're going through, and we all do, I view as a sort of Sober Person's Boot Camp. Trial by Fire. Not an exercise for the wishy-washy. The Good News & The Bad News? These situations will never go away. We can't change that. I realized I
could change how nimbly I adapt to such inevitable situations. All the power lies within me. No Spouse; no change of Venue; no thoughtful compromise by a Drinker will change Reality. Only my Mindset interpreting Reality will. Hence, my Sig Line below. That's, arguably, the Bad News, and the very-hard-work part. The Good News is that you're coping fabulously! Get comfortable with doing this, because you have a Lifetime ahead of doing exactly that. Adapt on the fly like some Sober Ninja. Rinse & Repat.
The additional Good News is that we become facile at adaptation. It becomes effortless. Like practicing a Tennis Serve, or a Golf Swing repeatedly. I've also gotten unforgiving at [rarely] turning down Social situations that are dead ends for Sober me. No Second Guessing myself. No Guilt. I absolutely refuse to engage in Codie Crap where I endure Drunks because 'I
have to go' to some function. Actually, no, I don't. There's simply no sense in always having to be the one to twist myself into Knots just because Alcohol permeates Society. This sotted permeation is increasingly the case from where I sit.
So, well done on adapting, and on molting into your new Sober Skin. I greatly admire what you're doing, and how well you're doing it! Having to do what Sober People are forced to do sucks less over time, and eventually doesn't.
~ 'Heroes' ~ David Bowie ~ Live ~
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