So it's just past 7am here and I am about to get ready for this mud run I signed up for in January.
It's significant for a few reasons. I was newly sober, only a couple of days, when my friends asked if I wanted to do this. They don't know the real reason I stopped drinking, just that I said I don't anymore. I agreed to run this race because I thought it'd be fun, a challenge, and something to prove to myself. I knew I needed to make sobriety stick if I had any hope of feeling good about this event.
As I sit here on this beautiful early Saturday morning, I'm remembering all the times I woke up feeling sick, sweaty, dead tired before all important things I needed to do (my college graduation for one). I know if I were still drinking I wouldn't have been able to abstain the night before this race, using it as an excuse for poor performance. I have a bit of a cold right now, but I am rested and sober, and already 100x better than I would be if I was hungover. I know I'd be waiting for that beer at the end of the race and then start the cycle of craving more for the rest of the day. I don't doubt that after I was dropped off at home later today, I would go out and buy more alcohol and drink until I passed out, only to be hungover for work tomorrow.
******* wild, the stuff we put ourselves through.
You know, I've never been super into fitness or proving things to myself vis a vis physical accomplishments. But this is more than that. I've trained for this race, gotten stronger, been sober, and come so far in the past months. I wouldn't have been able to do this without sobriety. These are the types of things I need to remember when I have those thoughts about alcohol. I am capable of so much when I do the right thing, and this is just a small piece of that.
I dunno guys, I'm just feeling self indulgently proud of myself this morning. I'm gonna go do this race and still be sober afterwards and I just feel really good about it.