Originally Posted by
Dee74 
welcome back SurvivorK
every relationship is different I know but if I was found to have lied barefaced and was drinking again that would devastate my partner too.
I'm not telling you what to do but I hope you'll think about this...secrets can really weigh you down...
maybe in a few weeks it will be easier for you to open up.
D
I would add something to what Dee is talking about, something that plagues drinkers and makes quitting much more difficult: it seems you've done a lot of drinking in secret and now you seem to be keeping your recovery a secret, hidden from your husband and friends. You sound isolated, guilty, and miserable about it.
Maybe you are underestimating your husband and friends. They might be willing to get behind you and help.
The first time I told a friend, I was terrified of what she would think of me. I'd met her in the town square for a movie and she asked me where I'd been, just making conversation. I said, "I just came from Alcoholics Anonymous." She stopped me dead in my tracks in the middle of the square, turned me around by the arm and gave me a big hug. I swear to God she had tears in her eyes she was so happy for me.
You never know who your real friends are until you take a chance.