Originally Posted by
trailmix 
I think it's important to do a reality check here. I'm not saying you don't know this but if you work on it bit by bit, the reality of going to see him, that might help.
This made me think a lot about my experience with 12 Step recovery. The thought of going through those steps was agonizing, unbearable, I looked for another way, anything but having to go through that process. But even worse was continuing to live the way I was living, so I started to work those steps by just taking the smallest of actions, and then on to the next one. When I saw a positive result I started taking larger bites, and 14 years later here I am, maybe crazy at times but I'm still sober.
I agree that you may be sabotaging yourself. How about trying to think and act through each step rather than visualizing what the entire process "may" be but in reality you won't know until you go through with it?