Thank you Ann for that reminder. - It's not worthless or hopeless.
And thank you Anaya for sharing all of your wisdom, strength and experience. It's helped me so much to just be here at SA again.
I am so proud of my husband for suddenly becoming tough and for recognizing that he is not to blame here. I know how much he loves his son and was not sure he would have the strength to do the hard things he is doing. But he seems to be recognizing that letting him reap consequences is the best thing we can do.
Today SS and his mother arranged a meeting to enroll him in the school in his father's school district, after he and his mother rejected the option of a better but stricter school. After days of silence he texted his Dad last night at 10:30 PM and asked if he was coming to the meeting. No, he was not going. He had already been in tough with the school and provided his consent and proof of residency so there was no reason for him to. But he had also let them know the details behind this story including that his son has chosen not to return to his house. It says so much that his mother is having him handle what should be adult communication. I am certain that SS did not just decide last night on his own to send these messages. Waiting until such a late hour for something so important speaks volumes about her competence, too. I gathered from this they believed that he had to be there for SS to be enrolled.
He tried texting me, would I convince his dad to go. I said No, and there is no reason he needs to be there.
Today SS forwarded a message left by the school on his Mother's phone - that they are cancelling the meeting because he does not reside in the district. They told her to enroll him at the school in her district instead. He doesn't want that - it's smaller and very rural. Less people, no one he knows and probably less fun.
DH spoke with the school and the administrator he spoke to said "If he doesn't sleep here, he doesn't live here." He was very supportive actually and really saw the whole situation with clear eyes. That is such a blessing.
SS is throwing the kitchen sink at his father right now. His Dad told him "I will not discuss this with you, you are a minor. Your mother can call me." He also said, "I will not lie for you." So now he's blaming his Dad and saying horrible things. He wants to blame his bad behavior and the consequences on everyone but himself.