Hanna

My 17 year old stepson has a history of drug related issues. Over the past 3 years he's been caught vaping, abusing cough syrup, marijuana and arranging deals for people, stealing pills to "try", etc. He straightens out, then has issues again. Hard to separate normal from really troubled. Stealing cough syrup on a trip to drug store WITH his father there was a huge sign to me. He's been in counseling and is medicated for depression.

In the past 2 weeks he left his father's house off schedule, suddenly and for no apparent reason refused to come home (with the full support of his mother), claiming his father is "too negative". He then totaled her car and got expelled from his private school.

He did the routine last year with refusing to come home. His mother despises his father so that's always OK with her, despite court order.

All of his major troubles coincide with separation from his father. Last summer he gave her fake urine for a month, and spent the entire time high. Every truly big issue has been when his dad was away for business or while she was allowing him to stay with her and her boyfriend off-schedule. She'd never acknowledge that though.

He's an honors student and we had been looking at schools. This summer it really seemed we had put these issues behind us then it all fell apart. He's tanked his chances at the schools he wanted to attend, and anyway we believe it would be disaster to send him away before these issues are addressed.

Through a small miracle, another similar but even better private school agreed to accept him (knowing the full story, the schools are actually connected), but he and his mother choose the massive local public school instead. (Despite joint custody both physical and legal, it's a fight we don't believe we can face legally.)

We don't know when we will see him again. His father has completely lost any ability to parent him if his mother won't cooperate. Fighting legally will take months and he is so determined to see his father as the bad guy, I don't think it will help either way, particularly due to his age.

I believe his set his path and praying that the months of drug counseling gave him the tools he needs to be ok. I'm so sad, I know this story so well from my own family and it just feels like a repeat only this time I see it coming and can't do a damn thing.

I guess I can help my husband with what I've learned so that is something. My heart is in my throat and I'm walking around with all the bad chemicals that your body produces when you are scared and living in the midst of crisis. God I hate that feeling.

Any advice, support, prayers, anything is appreciated.