Hi Tatsy
Sorry your still suffering.
As you know I struggled for a very long time to get sober, hence I do truly understand how difficult and sometimes seemingly impossible it is. I got worse and worse. Still not actually sure how I did stop. Stars must of aligned or something.
I won't lie I now absolutely fear relapse and know it could happen any time so have to stay so vigilant. It is a strange thing that only I can cause it to happen yet I don't feel totally in control of it not happening. Its that pesky AV playing mind games I guess.
I know your thinking will come right and you will regain control very soon.
Watch this if you haven't seen it already. Shocking but truthful.