One thing I learned in my fourth step was that I was the author of my own misfortune. I had a way of behaving when sober, that wasn't a recipe for happiness, that in fact built up pressures which could only be relieved with a drink.
Knowing that did not fix it. I have listened to some very good speakers on the subject of step nine, and what they had to say rang true with my experience also. For example experience had shown that those who do not make their financial amends (pay their debts) tend to have ongoing problems in that area.
For me, unmade amends, unresolved issues where a great source of fear and anxiety as well as sleepless nights. The big questions were:
What will I do/say if I see that person?
When will I get the tap on the shoulder, and what will be the consequences?
Will I have to always cross the road to avoid certain people?
Should I go to an event if so and so will be there?
Will someone expose me?
How will I ever pay that debt?
Can I ever hold my head up?
My head was full of thoughts like this. Many have tried the approach that I would only need to forgive myself, and just try to forget everything else. Very few succeed with that approach. Step nine has a simple and practical solution. It takes faith and courage (courage is fear that has said its prayers) and the guidance of a good sponsor, and it is amazing how in 99% of cases the problems just melt away. Generally people are very forgiving and only too happy to see one of us on the road to recovery.