DriGuy

Wow! I can't tell you how much this resonates with me. I know all about "starting tomorrow." I know about the feeling of innocence involved in "having a few drinks just to relax." That was me. Every night my drinking started off with good intentions. I just needed to relax after a hard day, celebrate after a good day, or just an innocently 'take the edge off'.

I also know how much that actually contributed to my eventual downward spiral, where even at my bottom, my drinking always started with an innocent reason. It was one of the biggest things I had to overcome on my path to recovery.

You seem to be a bit more aware than I was, because you're posting here, which suggests you are recognizing you may have to understand where you are at a little better. When I recognized my problem, it never occurred to me to talk to anyone about it. It was always, "I'll start tomorrow." I kept that up for years.

You may not be an alcoholic, and you might be able to drink once a month with friends, but you are wondering about it. Incidentally, most written tests for alcoholism usually include a yes/no question along the lines of, "I sometimes wonder if I drink more than I should." Of course, it's only one of many indicators of a more serious problem, as alcoholics are just as likely to completely deny they give their drinking any thought at all.

So, you can take some time to process your situation some more, but if you are an alcoholic, keep in mind that your only way out of downward spiral is to quit altogether. A bitter pill to swallow? Seems like it right now, but eventually abstinence will seem like a miracle, not only because you found it, but because you never thought it could be so wonderful.