I self destruct all the time, if I didn't have my enemy from within, my life might actually be smooth and easy. I feel like I'm always shadow boxing myself. For example, just tonight I was yelling at my boyfriend for letting me have too long of a nap. I actually accused him of not loving me, because he let me sleep too long.
After I had that awful thing happen this winter, I told everyone to Eff Off. Some people multiple times. It brought out all my issues, all the anger and abandonment. No one ever helped when I needed it as a kid, so as an adult, I not only don't expect it, but I will push you away just so you can't hurt me by even trying. That's the thing with dysfunctional families, it's often when we are at our most needy, that we get let down and hurt the worst.
The book I'm reading talks about trauma anchor points. How incidents can trigger the original trauma of childhood and we can revert back to that moment and live it out again, unless we heal the original pain.