Hi MLL
I went back and re-read your posts from February 2018.
Not sure if your husband has remained clean or not.
You certainly have been dealing with a very difficult circumstance.
There came a point in time during my relationship where she voluntarily started telling me all about her life. I think she started telling me because she couldn't hide it any longer. Over about a 6 month period of time there were several major revelations from her.
At first I tried hard to simply accept that she was being open & honest with me. I tried hard not to judge her. Even though she was dropping major bombs.
After a while of dealing with this openness on her part, it became overwhelming for me. Some of it still negatively effects me to this day. It was way too much for me to deal with. I internalized it all. It took me to a very dark place.
I totally understand the self esteem hit. I don't like mirrors even to this day.
Our addicts don't have answers for us. We have to find our own answers.
I don't have advice for you. But I hope you find happiness & peace for both you & your son.