Time for an update: AH has been going to outpatient rehab for about 2 weeks now. 3 nights per week, 2 hour meetings. Fresh out of detox, the first week he was drinking. This week he seems to be taking a bit more seriously. He has admitted that he needs to find more meetings on the weekend gap between the others. He knows what he needs to do, but is avoiding it. Surprise.

Throughout this time period his mother’s health has seriously declined. She’s now in a nursing facility. His sister and I have been taking care of his mothers affairs, and I have had to make all the final decisions on the house we are rebuilding (house fire in February), while he was in detox. Since leaving detox, he is sort of....stagnant. He misses work. Doesn’t do much. He is clearly depressed. When we talk he gets upset and says he can’t do this, and that he so lonely and depressed. I have encouraged him to speak to a therapist about these feelings, as I cannot “fix” him. But I believe in his mind, that’s what he believes. That if we get back together he will be happy. But I don’t think I will. I struggle daily with the question of “do I want to continue this marriage” even if he does everything that I hope he does in recovery. Can I ever be happy with him again? I feel like I know the answer but I push it out because it makes me feel guilty. I feel pretty happy being separate but will I be long term? Much to think about....