Hi Tatsy,
To resume our interrupted conversation... I read your thread and I was very to sorry to hear about the distress you are feeling and the personal losses that you have recently experienced.
I was going to reply there but as you bumped this thread I thought it may be better to try to say something in FM terms. In respect to this site, I'll only discuss the model in terms of how it can support the decision of abstinence.
As you try to stop drinking again, the FM, as I understand it, would advise looking at the benefits of not drinking again against the benefits you felt you got from your recent drinking. It seems from what you say that you found in drinking again relief from a number of painful experiences that came all at once. I think it is important to acknowledge this but also to realise that this is not the same as justifying it or making excuses. In FM terms, you made the choice to start drinking again because at that time you felt it would make you 'happier' than not drinking. By 'happy' I don't of course mean that drinking made you feel happy and no longer sad about your pain - I'm sure that was not the case and anyway a mere chemical does not have that power - but 'happy' in the sense that perhaps it gave you a sense of comfort. Whatever the explanation of 'happiness' was for you at that time, you can change your decision by reexamining your preferences and see that you'd be happier now by not drinking again. The FM says that we always naturally act to pursue our own happiness - the Positive Drive Principle (PDP). So when we see that abstinence is a happier option for us than drinking, we're happy to do that. No willpower required!