Hi rsanchez!
Congratulations on day six. I'm so glad you made it through the day with the ptsd bothering you. Must be someone watching over you that your connect wasn't available.
I know we hear a lot about relapse here and in meetings. I was the relapse king.
I tried to stop drinking for ten years. Yes, ten years I tried to quit.
I was a chronic relapser. I got those thoughts. I felt better, I can **** up today and start over and for no discernable reason at all I ended up wasted.
Ten years.
What you're leaving out is the frustration, remorse and horrors of not being able to stop. How do you think I felt after all those days after another binge? Bad. Very bad.
A life filled with dread and misery. For ten years, but I never gave up trying to quit. And I was a bad drunk. If I wasn't drunk I was thinking about it. And, of course, it was a self-fulfilling prophesy that I would drink again.
Can you imagine the guilt and frustration I felt. The bottoms I hit. Hating myself. All because I thought, 'what the hell, one more day won't hurt.'
It did hurt. I felt, and was, powerless over the first drink.
The whole point of this post being, don't think you can simply get away with one more day of drink or drug. If you're anything like me, there's no telling when or how long that day will run into. Two days? A week? A month?
It was never one day for me.
And it never will be. I'm one drink away from a drunk.
Complacency is a users worst enemy.
I've made it six days, I've proven I can stop. Now it's time for a reward of getting buzzed. I can't tell you how many times I did this. I relapsed once after seven months. It was because I had become complacent. Stopped going to meetings and forgetting the past. That bender lasted several months.
Save yourself some misery and do as you're doing. You sound like a different person than your first post here. And you are. You're clean and sober, and that's a new feeling. Do you like it? Are you willing to go to any length to maintain it?
It takes work and you're doing a great job of it. I'm proud of you. And you should be very proud of yourself. You're accomplishing something. Something that is important, and if you're anything like me, something that may save your life.