By the time many of us get fed up enough to end the madness, many years have gone by and we can all relate to what you are feeling.
At a time when I was at my wits end with a family member, I stumbled on an interesting book:
Make Miracles in 40 days by Melody Beatty
We all know Melody as someone who has written a lot about codependency. this book is very different than most of her others because it is a very different take on gratitude. It is a practice of being grateful for all those things we think we are supposed to hate or resent.
I will tell you, I did get many miracles in the 40 days I tried it.
So before forgiveness, there is awareness, and with awareness comes gratitude, even for the bad stuff, and then with forgiveness comes freedom.
Best wishes on your journey.