fortworthnative…...I think that you will have to continue to invest in yourself so that you can trust yourself to meet whatever happens and feel/be strong enough to prevail.....
I absolutely get why you want so badly to trust him with the drinking issue....that is understandable...
I can tell you that I have known many long time recovering alcoholjcs who appeared to have stable and trusting marriages....but, it did not come with a wave of a wand, when they tell their stories....It seemed to take quite a while for them to earn the trust of their families, again....a long time of behavior that earned them that trust.....
I sure do hope, for you, that you get started with alanon and counselor, etc., before the baby comes....as it will be easier to do before, I imagine. If my memory hasn't failed me? your mother will be coming when the baby arrives....and, she knows the situation, now. This could be a time when you can get away from the house, for yourself, more....
Most communities have support groups for mommies...of various kinds...that enable mommies to get out of the house and have socializing time with each other....it is so important to build an independent social network of one's own.
It was that kind of social network with other mothers and acquaintences that helped me with my (enjpyable) journey as a single mother of three....
One can become sooo isolated with small children and alcoholism in the mix....
Another thought....It would be good to have a prepared answer(s)...for when/if the time comes that he asks your "permission" to give controlled drinking a try......I think we all know what will happen if that should come about.....
Personally, I think it would be easier for you to get prepared, rather than live in near paralyzed fear of the future.....This understandable fear give the alcoholism too much power over you, hour to hour....and, day to day....