I truly love every single person who has posted here, you’re special souls, indeed.
I separated from that ‘want’ to drink, as I did before. Then, then, the AV spoke in such terms, that it was the truth, and I agreed. This isn’t the same as the last time, I was happy and content not drinking, Then life’s events were tumultuous and unfair and quite frankly, in some respects, pretty evil and vindictive and uwarranted and directed at me. And I simply don’t see a way to have karmic justice. And the ramifications and repercussions, if there’s no justice is life changing for me.
And I do realise, that to drink, is to absent myself from engaging proactively in my life, in order to alter its course, but I think it’s too late and I really do not know how I can possibly rebuild. I just don’t.
August, you’re right, first-person Tatsy is still here, but battling, battling against that voice that speaks such truths, and often agreeing that I’m in dire circumstances and how it’s too late to turn things around...and it encourages me to drink, to drown out the doom and gloom and might as well end it all thoughts. Sorry, everyone, but first-person Tatsy listened to the AV and left the room.
Yet, I know I can return, if I can summons, whatever. Because I don’t want to die, so any experience, whatsoever, will be welcomed by the real me, not the me that wants to drink herself to death, in hopeless despair.
I hate myself for writing that last sentence, there are good people lying in hospital fighting and dying of cancer and other terminal illnesses, and I’m tipping alcohol down my throat, it’s disgusting.