There came a point in time ( it was actually towards the end of my relationship with her my addict), I had detached from her but needed help to sort my self out. It was like the first month being away from her. It was an extremely difficult time for me. I didn't know which way was up or down. Didn't know if I was coming or going.
I had posted my story here in this forum & was getting a lot of very good sound advice. I agreed with the analysis of my situation & advice but it was very hard for me to accept it.
I saw a therapist one on one. She helped me to step way back to more clearly see my relationship for what it is. To see clearly just how destructive it all was. To see the forest instead of just looking at that one big tree I had been looking at. I couldn't see the forest - I could only see that one big tree with her name on it.
Our relationships with our addicts deteriorate over time. By the very nature of what they are - they become extremely intense & emotional relationships. We are faced with hard choices. Save ourselves or go down the tubes with them. At one point I had decided I was going to save her even if I died trying.
That was foolish logic because I wasn't saving her at all. In terms of chasing her addiction(s) I was making her life worse. She no longer had any negative consequences for her bad foolish choices.
Its all very difficult. I am not sure how I even did it. I hope you choose to save yourself. If I read your post correctly, your young & have a lot of life to live. I may hurt for a while. In my case a long while. I tell you based on my own experience, it does get better & easier with time.