Oh freshstart, thank you, I know you’re right, such sage words that speak truth and I know I’m capable. But, the AV whispers in my ear, it’s too late, does that make sense?
Plus, for a few months I have troubling rashes on parts of my skin, which Dr, Google diagnoses as possibly cancer (after extensive research) and I can’t find any less alarming condition possibilities. The rational part of me realises it could be the effects of resuming alcohol poison, after so long eating and drinking healthily.
And because I’ve been drinking and in a dishevelled state, I’ve been too ashamed to visit my doctor, in this regard. In any event, had I done so, the treatment wouldn’t have worked. because I was drinking.
I do realise how pathetic and weak I sound. I know I’m capable of stopping drinking again (I’ve done all the neuroplasticity research and contentedly achieved that state before) but the question now is - do I want to? Or am I in full self-destruct mode. Or am I pandering to the AV.
As Algorithm once said to Zenchaser ‘there’s no separation there, Zen”.