It’s insanity isn’t it Louise?
I remember those feelings so well. The anxiety, the shame, the total regret and bafflement that I could have ended up in the same place mentally yet again.
Your post brought back to me all those same feelings.
My advice would be to you to never forget where you are right now, but start moving forward. I’m not sure what you’ve tried to keep sober before but do something completely new....something that seems scary to you, something that takes commitment and that you have to be accountable for...I went on a 12 step retreat and shared a room with people I’d never met and held hands and prayed with people who were equally as desperate as me.
I’ve never looked back and after a few years of slipping and sliding I am in my 4th year of recovery.
I believe you can do this Louise ❤️