And I especially hope to finally find the clarity that I did the right thing so I can stop living with all this doubt and wondering if I ruined a perfectly good life.
The great thing about being able to read your past threads (or keeping a diary serves the same purpose) is it lets you play the tape all the way through to the end....if you look back at your actual marriage, and play the tape all the way through to the end, you will see that you made the best decision and that you certainly did not leave a "perfectly good life!!"
I agree with Sparklekitty - I also remember the first year of my divorce being very painful, and my mind wanting to look back at the rosy times and forget all the total cr*p I was putting up with and how unhappy I was.
It was a painful time and I got into some really good and deep therapy at that time so I could figure out why I had chosen that partner and make my peace with it, and also how to change my codependent ways so I never chose to be in that type of dynamic again if I ever started dating or looking for a new relationship. I chose to look forward and do some really hard work on changing myself.
But the lethargy and sadness were tough at times...I'm glad you came here to dump a load of self-pity. Sometimes you just NEED to do that. The anniversaries and feeling left out that first year are very painful, so I mean, allow yourself to feel those feelings. That bad/sad time was the beginning of a whole new life for me, I shed a lot of tears, and I am so grateful to therapy for guiding me on to a new better path!
The past is gone. You are free in THIS moment!
Peace,
B.