Originally Posted by
Mtphc 
Not stockpiling was my personal attempt to "control" my drinking lol. Therefore my last 2 years of drinking I would always try to buy pints. Which was odd because this didn't do much to control it. It would just complicate things when I would get up early in the morning to go to the store and get more haha.
Don't miss those days at all.
I purposefully did not buy enough. I’d buy two six packs of hard seltzer and say “this should be enough and if it’s not then it’s ridiculous.” Middle of the day, about 7-8 in, realize the alc content wasn’t high enough to give me the hit I wanted, and switch to gin or vodka and drink until blackout.
Next day or next drinking binge I’d have four left over to start with. Then all of the husbands clear liquor to finish with....unless I was doing whiskey, in which case I could start and finish with whiskey.
I’d just wipe out entire days. I know that one drink takes me right back to that and who in hell would voluntarily go back to that?? I suppose not knowing that you’ll always drink your way right back to the exact part of your past that started your sobriety. I do know many, many, many relapses started with “of course I can control it, there’s no way I’m a real alcoholic” and ended with “oh ****....I am a real alcoholic....”. Then it became “I’m a real alcoholic, but I don’t care, and I’ll drink anyway.” Did that for awhile, and then consequences; the kind that matter, started to rack up.