SDol

This is a first time visit and post. We are dealing with an almost 40 year old addict in our family, my younger sister. Some brief history: We lost my Mom suddenly 12 years ago who had partially enabled and partially exercised tough love with my sister through the years. My sister is the baby in the family and there are only 3 years between me, our middle brother and her so we grew up close and with the same rules. Great childhood other than constant money trouble (not enough) but lots of love and support in the family.

Things have been up and down throughout the years with some bright years and some low ones. My sister became a bit co-dependent on my Dad and in a way idolizes him on a level that borders unhealthy. She is married to a guy who was pretty nice but lifelong pot head which I think affected his decision making abilities and his intelligence. He started at age 12 and is now 40 and still using pot and other drugs. They have a 10 year old daughter who has witnessed more dysfunction that any child should have to see. She is remarkably resilient and has cousins and my Dad nearby to keep her exposed to healthy relationships and a sense of normalcy.

So now to present day, my sister has been in and out of work (and lying to all of us about this topic) for the last 3 years. prior to this time, she maintained a great job where she received a promotion for about 4-5 years time. Her husband has also been in and out of work and they have not had consistent income. They lost their rental home a year ago and moved into an apartment building which they truly cannot afford. My Dad and I have supplemented their income to pay for the apartment and often for their monthly car payment. I stopped paying the car payment last year after 6 straight months of paying and it got repossessed 2 months later which she also hid from us. $2500 down the drain.

I have my own family and demanding work travel schedule and really have stretched to accommodate helping my sister out during the last 3 years while we are mostly just lied to and only called upon when money is needed.

She and her husband use Adderall and an anti anxiety medication in daily in addition to her husband's illicit drug use. She began going out as an escort recently to make money after she quit a short term job back in April. Her husband continued to not work. He was arrested a couple years ago for stealing medical devices from his job and re-selling them online. And he just was arrested in mid June for domestic violence and drug charges. My sister now wants to start over and get better after being evicted from her apartment for non rent payment 2 weeks ago. She moved into my house 2 hours after eviction while my husband and I were at work and my two kids were home alone (they are 11 and 15). I felt helpless and then resentment kicked in a couple days after she moved in. We had a HUGE family fight over the 4th of July holiday at my house where said she cannot have any negative talk around her. My Dad who is not an addict nor depressed then yelled at me saying if anything happens to her, he cannot go on. I will admit the talking got heated but we are now at a place where she doesn't want to talk about anything except roses and sunshine and not reality. She has moved in with my Dad and his wife and now we have a family rift going on between me and my Dad as we disagree about future plans and candidly he is avoiding talking about this at all.

I am sorry for the long post but need advice from someone who has experienced this. I am sure there is a lot better way that I can be reacting and now with my Dad and I fighting, it is stressing me out too. My husband doesn't want me spending any more money on my sister's problems and my Dad is definitely an enabler who avoids conflict at all cost. Appreciate any advice!