Originally Posted by
Leochic06 
I totally emphasize how you feel. I too have a list that I keep reading over and over. It seems like the further away I get my my relationship (one month no contact) the less I forget about the bad times and the more I remember the good times.
I'm super lonely tonight. I'm going to try exercise and meditation tonight to see if that helps. I want to just sit and sulk but I'm trying to replace negative habits with positive ones. Even if I work out for just a half hour I have to feel a little better right?
Leochic, I’ve noticed that the further out from the start of no contact, that it gets harder. Like the realization that if things go well, I’ll never speak to him again. I’ve known and loved him for almost 20 years and that thought is very overwhelming now. But then I think about what contact looks like. He’ll either say mean things and make me feel bad, or talk his way back into my life and make me feel bad. I’ve never had an ex, even the only other one who broke my heart, that gave me such anxiety at the thought of reopening the conversation. I take that to mean I shouldn’t. Tomorrow is my birthday. I feel like after tomorrow and not talking to him my heart will move on a little more.
Stay strong. Therapy does really help. It’s what helped give me the strength to walk away. And if you don’t like your therapist, find another one. Best of luck to you. I’m always happy to talk.