I can totally relate to this. For me it was like I had become the enemy well before I said I could no longer live that way. I became the enemy when I started questioning AH's behavior. Just keep doing the work and the answers will come. The only way I can wrap my brain around this disease is, my AH is very sick. He chose the familiarity of his sickness over the unknown of getting healthy. You most likely played second fiddle because you were sick as well. Congrats to you for working on your health. Unhealthy people cannot love someone in a healthy way. Thats all. Some will get healthy eventually and some will never be healthy. It's sad and devastating but there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Much love coming your way.