I’ve come to realize that there isn’t really such a thing as “trying recovery”. You’re either doing it or not. Trying I think is just to make you feel better about it and gives them an excuse for when they fail. They tried but they failed.....but they really tried, that’s what they want you to think at least
My ex was an alcoholic for all of our relationship and it just got worse over time, he quit several times on his own, it would last 2-3 months and then he would start drinking in moderation except for that wouldn’t last. Longest he stayed clean was 13 months but it really wasn’t much better as he no longer had his one coping mechanism so it was probably even worse as far as depression/ anger etc. He was a dry drunk.
Once he went to rehab that is when things changed. He was truly working a program, getting counseling and going to lots of meetings even after rehab and he continues to go to meetings, 2.5 years later just not as frequently.
Theres is almost no chance that he will be able to truly recover without any sort of help. AA or NA would be a start but likely not enough. They need individual therapy and they need to be clean and sober before attempting couples counseling. If he is drinking e is not clean, cross addiction is a real thing. Meaning that many addicts will find a different addiction. Could be shopping, going OCD on working out, gambling, sex or just a different substance. So oven if he has not taken drugs in a few days (which btw mean very little, that is a drop in the bucket) he is substituting it with another substance. You have no reason to trust him be since he has not given you one. He is not getting help for his addiction. His words mean nothing. That is why he is telling you that he is trying g recovery so that you will give him a break. Don’t fall for it, not when there ar kids involved, I would demand supervised visits or else nothing. I got really good at not leaving my kid with my ex (when we were married and he was actively drinking) . She was 5-6 at the time when it got bad again and so she would go for play dates if I had stuff going on because she wanted to play with her friend (which she did but I didn’t trust him with her alone). It is a huge reason why I didn’t want to leave him while he was actively drinking because I just didn’t know what would happen to my kiddo.
Set boundaries and stick with them. His “trying” doesn’t mean anything and he knows it. If he decides to actually seek professional help that is a start but even then it wold take several months to see if he is really changing.