Welcome toosweet...
So glad you found this site, it is the greatest. Read lots of the posts and stickey's at the top. One needs to learn all they can about addicts, so as not to repeat trying to help. Seems helping never usually works.
Best thing to do on loaning money to an A is to forget ever seeing it again. Chaulk it up to a bad bet and you lost. Another hard lesson in life.
In life it is always best to never loan money. The resentment and anger eats us up if it is never repaid.
Forgive yourself.
Keep coming back it helps to write it out where we all understand. Most of us have been there, done that. I am sorry this happened to you or to anyone really, but sadly it happens. Keep working on you, and do forgive yourself.