I finally drank myself into such a horrid mental and physical state quitting seemed logical.
I am pretty sure I was pre diabetic and had pancreas issues. My feet were swelling and I had limited stamina. I was training in grappling and trying to get in shape for a tournament.
I was at the stage of needing booze to feel normal. I am still normalizing after all of these years.
That is why folks regret relapse after decades of sobriety. As I heal, i forget the hell I suffered and only remember the buzz.
I crave the buzz. I find the buzz in other places now. SR, the gym, family, entertainment, positive self rituals, etc etc etc.
I had to develop a non drinker lifestyle. I am a non drinker that accidentally go addicted to booze. I will be addicted for life.
I must always remember the suffering.
It was hell on earth for months, then a little less, and so on.
Now it is like a little rock in my shoe. That means I should drink again, right?
I only have a rock in my shoe, so it must be ok.
Nope. That is AV morphing.
Thanks.