I have encountered a few things since being separated from my addict (only 2 weeks now) that I am having trouble sorting through. My husband is currently living with his mother. I can tell that he is making effort to stay clean from drugs, and I do not believe he has used in a few days. He has cut back on alcohol. He has NOT stopped drinking. By no means do I think this is recovery. Just stating what I have observed.

My questions are as follows:

I have expressed to my husband that I believe that he is trying, but that alone is a bandaid over a bullet hole. Without counseling/therapy/support, he can only go so far. I do not reside with him now, and have limited contact other than to discuss issues related to our children. I am trying to focus on me, and hope that he will focus on his addiction. I obsessed over looking for things, and have found separation to be a breath of fresh air in a sense because there is nothing here to look for. He has asked me to try to begin to trust him on some issues (like being unattended with our children, or picking them up from daycare). But how will I know if he is making a concerted effort, seeking therapy or counseling, if I am not asking questions? How am I to decide if I even want to make an effort to trust him again if I have no idea if he is making steps that he needs to heal himself? How do I justify saying no, when he does appear to be sober.

I am well aware that the time we have been separated and he has been “trying” isn’t even a drop in the bucket. But how can I tell him that what he is doing is not enough in my opinion, if my opinion is not supposed to matter in HIS journey to HIS recovery.