You aren’t alone.
I’m deeply sorry you hurt.
Me and so many others were... or are still in the chaos. I’m still recovering. It still hurts.
I know traumatic bonding oh too well.
This forum & therapy will help you so much (if you actively make it work)... at least, it did for me. It’s like a family who understands your pain. Hang in there... one tiny step at a time...