You are a strong, beautiful and brave survivor.
Here is a bit of info I relate to:
"Humans are wired to emotionally bond with the people around them. This ability to bond is the glue that keeps families and relationships together. When we feel endangered or insecure our natural reaction is to reach out to those we are bonded with for protection. But what happens when the person we are bonded to is the one who is mistreating us? Then our tendency to bond works against us.
Under normal circumstances, we might be able to walk away from our abuser and look for help elsewhere. Unfortunately, the conditions that create trauma bonding are not at all normal."
Healing happens through creating new healthy connections, allowing awareness of safe places and new actions.
Al-Anon:
http://www.al-anon.org/