Yes!!! It took me a very long time to come around to the fact that my XAH could just be the person he is. I grew up in a family that is his polar opposite. I was not trained to look for a sneaky, lying, narcissist. It took me a long time to even realize what all of that means.
Go to counseling. Tell the truth. Dig deep. Build yourself up so you can see you deserve more, and are willing to follow through to get there. You can do it, and we will support you all the way!
Big hugs!