Yes, I'm very aware of it. Which is yet another reason why I don't understand why I won't stop. I KNOW this isn't healthy. I get a horrible feeling of panic. It's truly overwhelming. That's where I'm stuck. What am I so afraid of that could hurt worse than this or make me feel worse than this? Not to mention that he has blamed me for so much, my self esteem is shot, I have no friends except one, and I question if he's actually right.