Why do I continue to let myself be hurt?
At this point I'm starting to wonder if I'm crazy. How many times can I let the same person hurt, manipulate and use me, yet still allow him in my life? I clearly see what he is doing, I believe I'm 100% right in thinking he's a narcissist, and yet I won't go no contact, am hurting myself by allowing this to continue, am physically feeling the effects of the stress, I'm too embarrassed to confide in friends or family at this point....I'm at my wit's end with the entire thing.
I attempted no contact, which I didn't stick to. He text me twice. I responded that I hadn't been feeling well, now he's ignoring me. It's all manipulation, and I know it.
I don't know what I'm so afraid of .What could be worse than this? He isn't drinking at the moment, or so I think, and he promised me he'd get into a recovery program, which never happened.
I have started counseling, but we've just started. I do not know how to process that this is how a person truly can be. That he pretends to love me for his benefit. That no program or lack or alcohol is going to "fix it". And I don't know how to get on with my life without obsessing about him and us. I'm having a very hard time even functioning on daily things.
Has anyone else felt this way? How do you get out of this?