I was five years sober &loving life when major depression brought me to my knees. I'm convinced that such issues arise when we are able to handle them. By then I was established in a recovery community, I valued sobriety, and I believed I could get better.
My own PTSD story relates to childhood trauma. I was molested, which is bad enough, but I was horribly punished for it. Like so many abused children, I blamed myself; I thought I was responsible. I carried the shame for many years until, with the help of a therapist, I came to realize that I had been overpowered. PTSD for me is when I believe I am being blamed for something I did not do. I get stuck. I try to prove I did not do something. I become desperate and emotional and panicky. And of course, it just gets worse. When I see it coming I feel "sucker punched": I cannot breathe, I am overwhelmed. The world is spinning and I feel that I am being sucked into a vortex.
For most of my life--before I understood the dynamics--I had a need to win and be right. I kept reliving the experience before I understood what I was doing. I've made improvements, but sometimes I'll have an experience that scratches that still-sensitive wound. I melt down. I am reminded that I still have unresolved issues. Mindfulness helps. I need to remain self-aware, but this is hard.