Some times ... or it gets to the time ... the only last resource is 'the Ultimatum'.
The ultimatum may sound like just one more time - if you don't straighten up, I'm...
Actually, in my opinion, the only effective Ultimatum is the - I have left and we will NOT see each other again. Or if you have legal standing - You are out, and you will NOT return.
This is the Ultimatum that frees you from being the hostage.
This is the Ultimatum that places the ONLY possibility of reconciliation on the PROVEN changed life ... after whatever time it takes for the Addict to have truly been living a new life, and you find out after you have been living FREE.
I was the addict. I know from my perspective I was NOT capable of being honest with myself, much less than the wife I had taken as hostage, and only knew how to manipulate to be an enabler.
The 12 Steps changed my life, not promises (that I had no internal ability to either mean, or keep) to my wife. Her removal from me was the starting point.
This may not be needed from you, but it sounds like you may need it to be.