Emotional abuse, I believe, is definitely about control. I go out of town quite often for work and I remember going one time over my birthday. I went out for dinner that night and called him told him I missed him and such. Thought all was fine. Tried to call him the next day and he wouldn't take my calls. That went on for the entire week that I was gone. I called my daughter and asked her to go to our house because I was worried about him. She checked on him and he was fine. Got home and he was livid with me because I didn't answer the phone the night of my birthday as he tried to call me later that night and I didn't answer. That was it, I didn't answer one of his calls so he wouldn't answer mine for the rest of the week! He then went and bought me a birthday present. It got to the point that I dreaded my birthday or holidays where he would want to buy me something because it would make him look like this great, thoughtful guy and he just isn't that guy. The present he bought me that year I purposely left when I packed and left him. It just reminded me so much of all that crap that he put me through. I still feel a lot of the time very damaged. I know it is not all him, I am from an alcoholic family as well and I believe somewhat susceptible to that kind of treatment.
He was a master at that type of manipulation. Also as someone mentioned, appearing to be more interested in anything else other than me when talking to him. Would Facebook while we were talking, stare at the TV, anything other than look at me. It affected my self esteem greatly, still I feel at times that others cannot possibly care what I have to say, or feel that I am not important in certain situations. In therapy, I would run scenarios past my therapist and ask her if it was me just feeling weird, if I was weird and having a wrong reaction to something. I lost count of the times she had to reassure me that I was ok and it was just another manipulation tactic of his.
yep the threats of suicide by him, once he disappeared for about 1/2 hour and found him in the garage tying up a noose, that was it, I told him that if he wanted to harm himself there was nothing I could do about it and that I was going to call the police and get him some help as I didn't have the power to fix him. Well he dropped it came back in the house and went and passed out.
our first wedding anniversary he left me at the restaurant and walked home, or tried to, he got picked up by the police on the highway. Our first wedding anniversary!!! And I stuck it out for 19 more years.
Yep it helped a little to think about those times this morning as it just reaffirms that I did the right thing by leaving him. It has been a tough, emotional roller coaster at times but I have something that I didn't have when I was with him, hope! I have hope for my future and I know that I am enough and I am taking my power over my own self back!