Thank you for posting this> This section really spoke to me :
He may think that he knows what’s best for his partner or what looks correct to the outside world, so he is constantly trying to control her every move, criticizing her harshly when she doesn’t do it his way or threatening her when she seems to go outside the lines. He may verbally attack her when she argues with him because her arguing is convincing evidence to him that he is not in control of her. He may criticize her talking, her walking, her dressing, her interactions with others, her style of living and coping in order to gain and keep control over her.
So funny my ExAH always said I was "raising the bar" to a level he couldn't be successful. My bar was - sober, emotionally present, honest - thats it and honestly I expected the sober to be a work in progress I would have taken emotionally present and honest. Our therapist 16 years ago called it (this was before the alcohol got out of hand) -" he continues to find something wrong, something undone, something not good enough because its not about you its about him." Its so clear to me now after having gone through it all. It must be so exhausting trying to control everything I absolutely cannot imagine living like that.