I've been married twice. My ex husband (first) got to a point where he was emotionally abusive during and after his affair (during the divorce). I didn't know it was emotional abuse until I'd been a member of this forum for a while and read the stories of others.
With my ex, it ran along the lines of that old joke about the grumpy husband and his wife who would fix him breakfast every day. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get it right for him. If she served scrambled eggs, he wanted fried. If she served fried eggs, he wanted poached. If she served poached eggs, he wanted srambled. On and on...
One day, she decided she would fix eggs in several ways. So, she prepared scrambled, fried, poached, and hard boiled eggs. Pleased with herself, she served them to him on a platter.
He told her "you scrambled the wrong one".
With my ex, I couldn't do anything wrong. Not only could I not be a good enough wife for him....I couldn't be a good enough ex-wife. He even told me once "You aren't doing good enough" in response to something for which I fell short in his eyes. I finally told him that yes, I am doing good enough. I'm doing the best I can. By definition that's good enough. It may not be good enough for you, but that is your problem, not mine.
The ordinary acts we practice every day at home
are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest.
~ St. Thomas More