It sounds like, from your post, you’re doing what all of us that love alcoholics do. You lost all these things that make you crazy, make you feel bad, give you anxiety, but... you can list off a whole bunch of things that make it “not so bad.” He’s a good dad when he’s not putting the kids in the car to drive drunk on a pizza run. He’s not “noticeably” drunk 80% of the time he’s drunk. He NEEDS ME for accountability.

The greatest thing my therapist told me was, “If loving you was enough to stop him from drinking, don’t you think he would have stopped by now? If you could control his drinking, don’t you think it would have stopped years ago?” At the end of the day, the root cause of drinking for our alcoholics is they are still actively choosing to drink. And they will do that until they either die or choose not to, and that will only be up to them. You didn’t cause it. You can’t control it. And you can’t cure it.

Ultimately none of us can tell you how to continue your marriage any more than you can tell him how to drink. I can suggest finding an AlAnon meeting you like and going. Look up detaching with love. Make a list of what you want out of your life and decide where he fits in it, assuming he doesn’t change, because you can’t control whether he does.

And finally, reach out to your friends and family that you trust. Alcoholics like their problem to stay in the dark. They don’t want you to talk about it. But it will lift so much weight off of your shoulders to have real support, someone to call or text to talk. To give you a hug.

Best at of luck to you. This is wonderful, supportive community with a lot of experience and a lot of heart.