hummingbird.....Yes.....talk about anything....with the exception of---No JADING and no enabling.
I suggest that you might want to ..when you feel that the time is right...to apologize to your son for enabling him, over the years. Make it sincere and honest. Explain to him that you didn't know better, but, not you do...so, you are going to do better....
I did that with my adult son when he was struggling....and, it seemed to help...it seemed that he understood that boundary that I set. Boy, was he surprised!
Also, if he makes arguments with you....you can either, politely hang up...or, take the opportunity to tell him that you reserve the right not to JADE, anymore....
Again---it is another boundary for you....
There is a lot to talk about...but, I think that you might need to learn new ways of communicating with him (and vice versa)…..as I'm guessing that, for years, everything has focused around his behavior and alcoholism....
A suggestion---when the phone rings or you see a text come in--say the Serenity Prayer to yourself, quickly and "see" your self in the hands of your higher power...or the Universe....That way, you know you can handle whatever comes your way....
I know what you mean...I think all mother's know about dreaded phone calls.....