Originally Posted by trailmix
I'm sorry this is still affecting you so much PR, but not really surprised, it takes time to get past something and remaining in contact, well it's not going to happen.
It kind of sounds, from what you wrote, that you feel like you could drink, throw caution (and reasoning and etc etc) to the wind, pack your bags and drink your way over to London.
In doing that you would be making a decision to bypass the hard part of ending the first relationship before starting the next. You don't come across as that person, which may be why the drinking seems so attractive right now.
All I can think of is - play the tape forward. But perhaps backward first.
Although it was several years ago, remember how he treated you. Also remember that at the time you were together in person, you couldn't even speak the same language (ie: you didn't know him well). He has had your address for years. At any point he could have written a letter of explanation/apology, he chose not to.
Now you have his presentation of himself in chat, do you trust that? He was talking to you while he was with his wife, that's a red flag.
Now ffwd, you drink you hop on a plane and you join him.
He is someone you don't know well. It will end your marriage to your Husband. You will never live in the dream home you two built together, he will be devastated, you might be too.
If you are thinking of joining the ex, then there is a way to do it. Tell you Husband you are leaving him, quit your job, book your flight and go. If you don't want to do that then maybe it's time to cut contact? You know what his intentions are.
Thank you, trailmix, for your sage advice. You tell it like it is and I appreciate that so much.
Every day it gets a little bit easier to let this guy go.
You are right: I absolutely do
know what his intentions are - and they are not good ones.
A few things I've realized in the past day or so:
1) he has a masters degree in psychology and I believe he's using his book smarts to manipulate me in a very underhanded way.
2) he had been trying to find a way to meet up with me after I mentioned I had never been to New York but may travel there for work this fall. He said he could fly over from London and we could spend some time together.
Even before that, he had mentioned he was coming to New Mexico and Colorado for vacation this summer. I was thinking, "Now why would he try to plan a trip to New York in the fall to meet me when he'll be so close to me this summer and he could just fly to my city?" (I live in the Pacific Northwest.) I then come to find out that this New Mexico / Colorado trip is planned with "a friend" (a lady).
He then said, "But we've promised each other no sex." WTH?!? Why would that topic even come up if the idea wasn't already alluded to? Does he travel long distances for chance encounters with random women "friends"?!? I have a sneaking suspicion that he does this as a hobby. He travels all over the world for work. And on vacation he travels for "pleasure." Ugghhh.
I feel gross even talking about it.
Funny, when he walks down memory lane and talks about the places we went together and the things we saw/did all those years ago, I don't remember ANY of it. All I remember is how he broke my heart, abandoned me in a foreign country and left a fragile 20 year old young woman in the care of his parents. What an A-hole.