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Old 06-10-2019, 10:46 AM   #88 (permalink)
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Originally Posted by flower959 View Post
We have the same talks over and over again. Yet, nothing changes. We don't know how to change, or even where to begin. I told him a few weeks ago that I didn't think we could do well together if we're not individually well. I'm not sure that we'll make it.
Hi flower. Well it certainly sounds like a crazy train and I'm sorry that continues for you. It's been two years since you last posted and it sounds like you are just watching the progression of the alcoholism.

It's not going to get better on its own. He isn't going to magically wake up some day and all will be well. He is obviously not interested in any recovery right now.

Unfortunately, you are enabling him to continue like this. Now, "enabling" is not the same as being responsible for, you are not responsible for his untreated alcoholism, that's his own thing.

By holding his hand, lifting him up, accepting his verbal abuse, ignoring the elephant in the room you are enabling him to carry on with the status quo with very little downside. He doesn't have to deal with much of anything I'm going to guess - including going to the clinic and then on to the ER. You are right there driving him around and holding his hand, just as you were there to drive him to get ice cream two years ago.

So what is the downside to his drinking for him? He still has you, a place to live, someone to look after him, someone who will take his verbal abuse (which will probably intensify). As his physical symptoms become more prominent, as he has to realize this is not such a fun situation anymore, you are going to be the recipient of that anger apparently, as he lashes out.

Is this the life you want? Caring for an alcoholic that has no intention of getting help?

It doesn't get better from here on out by the way.

We don't know how to change
There is no "we" in this change. The only person you can change is yourself, he is not interested in change. What are you doing for yourself?
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