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Old 06-10-2019, 11:22 AM   #84 (permalink)
SmallButMighty's Avatar

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 814
Originally Posted by flower959 View Post
He's suicidal at times. We talk about it and I try not to judge, and to just listen. But I encourage him to get counseling EVERY SINGLE TIME and nothing ever becomes of it. The next day, it's like it never happened. So, is it the boy that cried wolf? I can't help but think that he's doing it for attention at times, so I think I'm becoming numb to it.
Hi Flower, sorry to hear your ride on the Crazy Train is getting worse. Been on that ride, it was awful. It made me very sick.

I quoted the above so I could share with you my experience with my AXH. I went through the same thing. My AXH was depressed which he "medicated" with alcohol..which made him depressed so he drank some more... fun cycle that... every once in a while when he could sense I was gaining strength and he got worried I would leave or change his dynamic in any way, he'd throw down the old suicide card. It would send me for a loop... I didn't want to be the "reason" he killed himself... I was scared of all the fallout that would happen for me and our kids if he went through with it... I tied myself up in knots with the fear and anxiety of it all.

It was straight up manipulation on his part. He knew that if I was swirling in my own chaos I wasn't going to be able to be strong enough to leave him. He was right. That tactic worked on me for long time. He do these disappearing acts and I would wonder if he was dead or alive, work myself into a frenzy over it, he'd end up coming home drunk and I'd be so relieved he was alive I'd keep my mouth shut. Fun times. He even admitted it when I finally figured it out and called him on it as we were breaking up. He said he would do what ever he had to do to feed his demons. He even tried it again once I was living in my own place, he wanted to get out of paying me what he owed me in marital equity so he tried using the threat of suicide to get me to back down. I looked him in the eye and told him that kind of BS didn't work on me he got up and walked out. He called hours later to apologize and we finished working out the details of the separation agreement.

I've heard through the grapevine he has now started the disappearing acts on the current woman in his life....Also the "woe is me and my depression" acts.... I guess he figured it worked for years on me, he will see what kind of mileage he can get out of it on her now. I don't like the woman, but I hope she doesn't put up with it for as long as I did.

My AXH, my brother and my eldest stepson have all used the threat of suicide (several times each) to manipulate the people around them. Not so coincidentally they all have mental health and substance abuse issues. They are also, all three of them, very much alive.

While I think threats of suicide should be taken seriously... I abhor when people use it as a means of manipulation. It is the most vile form of emotional abuse that I can think of. It drove me into a severe anxiety disorder.I suggest when your alcoholic says those kinds of things you call the authorities... if he is serious he gets help, and if he is "just" being a manipulative jerk, maybe he will cut it the heck out if he knows you will call 911 when he says that stuff.

I hate that he puts you through that. His life is not actually in your hands, he just wants you to think so. I hope you know that.

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