I think it's absolutely OK to be getting help for yourself while a the same time hanging on to that hope. His mouth says he is sorry, but his actions through repeating the same behavior over and over don't really say that.
I also hesitate to say what I think about alcoholism and mental illness. I see many people get stuck in their own lives because they want to brand this behavior mental illness then feel like they have no right to move forward. Just look at the behavior itself and decide if that is what you want to deal with as this does and will progress.
I think the same about the addict themselves. They many times want to brand it a mental illness so they have an excuse to continue. I think it needs to be that this is the behavior and I need help to stop these behaviors, whatever that may look like. The branding does no good. Just my opinion of course.
When I was nearing the end of the rope with my XAH, I went to a doctor, psychiatrist, and a counselor. I went to the doctor who referred me to the psychiatrist because I was in a bad place and needed some medication. I went to the counselor to have therapy to help ME become ok with me. To help me be as strong as I could be and support myself because no matter what was going to happen, I knew I had to be that strong to handle it. It helped me immensely as a person and I am so glad I went. I shifted that focus from my XAH onto myself and what I needed to be a whole, happy person.
The fine folks here at SR, paired with Celebrate Recovery meetings were also sources of my support during that time. I don't know what I would have done without it. Keep reaching out, you are not alone!
Sending lots of support!
"I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn't sorry, and accept an apology I never received