eachdayanewday

I was doing good a bit. Then I started drinking again. I don't really like to drink with others. I'd much rather just drink by myself. This past year I really struggled with depression. I had never had it before. I slowly found myself pulling back socially. I didn't really lose interest in things I once loved but didn't really have a lot to do socially. My kids are getting older and they aren't in all the sports/groups they used to be. Never realized thats what made us so social too. I work from home. I kind of wish I had a work opportunity to get out more but I don't. I exercise alone too. It gets lonely. I think thats why I started drinking more and more. When I was lonely it filled that void. Im married and have 3 beautiful kids. I just find myself lonely. The kids are older and starting to go their own ways. The hubby has his own friends and hobbies. I guess as a wife and mother when you aren't needed anymore it gets lonely. I tried filling my time with hobbies and exercise but everything I do is alone. I think I'm going to try and join some fitness group or sport and do more crafting. My husband asked me what I want to do. I couldn't even answer. My life has been a wife and mother. Thats all I have known. We had our oldest son when we were 20 so my whole life has been being a parent. That is no excuse to drink. We were not raised around drinking. My parents never drank (until their late 50's). I just need a strong support system and better will to do good. Right now I just find excuses why Im going to keep drinking. I am going to therapy but maybe I'll give AA another try. I definitely need to make some changes because I feel like alcohol is just wasting my money, time and memories.